Why Civility in Family Law is Your Secret Weapon in the Courtroom

Family law is notoriously emotional. Unlike other legal practice areas where cases are won or lost on strict statutes of limitations or technical non-suits, family law exists in a massive legal “gray area.”

In Michigan, for example, critical issues like property division and child custody are decided by a specific set of factors. However, the court also relies on a catch-all safety net: “any other relevant factor.” Because the rules are so flexible, the legal waters quickly become muddied—making civility in family law more important than ever.

Why Judges Respect Civility (And Why It Matters to Your Case)

Maintaining your composure during a highly contentious custody or divorce battle is incredibly difficult, but it is one of the most strategic moves you can make.

• Judges know who the “bad guy” is: Judges handle family law disputes day in and day out. They are highly skilled at reading the room and can easily spot which party is acting out of malice versus who is trying to find a peaceful resolution.

• Civility leads to better rulings: A calm, respectful presentation allows the judge to focus on the actual facts of your case rather than the courtroom drama.

• It improves the judicial process: When attorneys and clients act civilly, cases move faster, saving everyone time, stress, and money.

Key Takeaway: A passionate lawyer does not have to be an uncivil lawyer. While it is natural for attorneys to advocate fiercely for their clients, they must still “play nice in the sandbox” with opposing counsel.

The Zoom Effect: Has Virtual Court Damaged Courtroom Etiquette?

Since the shift to virtual hearings during Covid-19, many Michigan courts have continued to use Zoom for routine proceedings. Unfortunately, many legal professionals argue that courtroom civility has declined as a result.

When everyone is reduced to a small square on a computer screen, the formal, physical boundaries of a traditional courtroom are lost. Without the physical presence of a judge on the bench, clients (and sometimes even lawyers) are more prone to:

• Making faces or rolling their eyes on camera.

• Interrupting the opposing party.

• Treating the hearing like an informal video call rather than a serious legal proceeding.

Why Courtroom Control Breaks Down

At its core, courtroom incivility is usually about a loss of control.

1. High Emotions

Family law cases involve the things people care about most: their children, their homes, and their financial security. When clients feel like they aren’t being heard, they are highly likely to act out.

2. Misunderstanding the Courtroom Process

First-time litigants often don’t understand how a trial works. They expect their attorney to stop the opposing party from speaking at all costs. When the opposing counsel speaks, a client might panic, thinking they are “losing” or “not getting their money’s worth.”

The reality: Every party has a dedicated time to present their case and a dedicated time to rebut. Silence during the opposing party’s turn is a legal requirement, not a sign of defeat.

How Judges Restore Order: From Warnings to Sanctions

When an attorney or client cannot maintain decorum, the judge will step in to regain control. This usually happens in one of two ways:

• Chambers Conferences: The judge may halt the proceedings and call the attorneys into their chambers. They will warn the lawyers that the courtroom’s unruliness is distracting the court from the actual facts of the case.

• Court Sanctions: While a judge has the power to order financial sanctions against uncivil attorneys, they use this as a last resort. Sanctions can damage the attorney-client relationship, and judges prefer to defuse tension using other avenues first.

The Golden Rule of Family Law Litigation

Neither you nor your attorney wants to do anything that could jeopardize the outcome of your case. To protect your interests, always keep a level head. Civility isn’t a sign of weakness—it is a sign of preparation, confidence, and respect for the law.

For deeper insights on this topic, consider reading the article “Ensuring Civility in Family Law” by Mark Ashton on Family Lawyer Magazine.