When a parent chooses NOT to see the child


Parental alienation is real and damaging our children. I don’t want to be that Disneyland dad! A Disneyland dad is not the “real parent”!  I don’t want to be identified as the one who just takes them to the zoo, the park, sledding, biking, etc.  Albeit those are fun things to do, those aren’t the big moments in their young lives. Being the Disneyland dad, there’s no day-to-day interaction, there’s no daily catch-up time and there’s certainly a disconnect that happens without these interactions/moments.  A Disneyland dad provides the money for his child(ren)’s needs, while the other parent gets the daily involvement, and I just get a small snip it in my child’s life each month.  I want the whole picture!!  This is what we at the Law Office of Kathryn M. Wayne-Spindler & Associates hear often. This what any parent should want and most do. Even when one parent always did most of the day to day care, the other parent was there and was still a part of it.

People are quick to judge and assume that this is a choice that is taken lightly or easily – this is not MY choice.  This is the choice the Court has decided for me, for my child(ren), and without potentially thousands of dollars, it is one that is hard to fight or one that cannot be fought at all.  The court expects the father to be totally interested, committed, involved with his child(ren)’s life and yet they make it nearly impossible for that involvement to happen.  Not having your child(ren) in your life on a consistent basis is like a wound that will never heal – a Band-Aid being ripped off over and over.  Where is the balance?  Do I keep fighting the fight? Do I walk away?  This is what we at the Law Office of Kathryn M. Wayne-Spindler & Associates hear often. This is incredibly sad to see and hear. We often see this when a parent is giving up and giving in.

I can send gifts or letters to my child(ren) but the truth is, mom is in control as to whether or not they receive them.  She is in the driver’s seat.  She can dictate whether or not I am able to talk to my child(ren), and truly, whether or not I am able to see them on my scheduled parenting time.  She can feed negative comments into my child(ren)’s head about me.  She can continually tell them lies and no one is there to tell them differently. Mom can even go as far as to have my child(ren) call me by my first name – where is the justice in that. I can not begin to tell you how many dad’s I have seen in my office whose hearts are broken and want to continue to have a relationship with their children. I can not begin to tell how many mom’s are now also experiencing this too. The worst part of this is the legal system has no magic wand that can solve this problem. ONLY parents can solve this by understanding that they divorced the other parent the child did not. The real damage is to the children.

I don’t want to be the Disneyland dad!!!  I want more!  Many dads and sometimes moms find themselves forced into this role due to one parent’s pervasive attempts of parental alienation and in the worst cases, they don’t even get to be this kind of parent but they are monsters until they are pushed away completely.  We have had many cases in which a parent will spend thousands of dollars fighting to stay involved against this behavior by the other parent.  We also have had cases where after six or more attorneys, the parent just walks away.  This article really explains this problem and sheds light on the parents’ feelings when they choose to just walk away. This article is well written by Emma Johnson.

For more information on preventing becoming a Disneyland dad, please contact Spindler and Associates. We have years of experience and know the laws and court procedures for Wayne, Oakland, Livingston, Genesee and Washtenaw Counties where our attorneys have practiced for years. Contact Kathryn Wayne-Spindler & Associates at 248-676-1000 to schedule a consultation. The Oakland County law office is conveniently located in Milford, Michigan. Our service area includes these communities: Milford, Waterford, Walled Lake, Commerce, Highland, Hartland, White Lake, Commerce, South Lyon, Linden, New Hudson, Wixom, Holly, Fenton, Grand Blanc and many more.


Leave a Reply